The rich dreams blog reminded me that gratitude is an imporant part of being open to receive whatever the universe has in store for us. I loved the idea of a jar in which to store all things one is grateful for and began clearing my desk to make space for the jar. It was then that I discovered that my laptop has been stolen. I could hardly beleive it. I kept going over my recent comings and goings, asking myself whether I didn't take it off the desk and place it somewhere else. But I knew in my heart that it was gone and the only expalantion is that someone went into my bedroom when I wasn't there and helped themselves to it. Who would do that? Who would have the nerve to just go into someone's private space in broad daylight and take something? I always assumed that by working from home this was one "reality" I never had to think much about. What upset me most about the theft was not losing the laptop but realising that "there are things that have to be taken care of in the natural". No matter how spiritual we are, no matter how deep our relationship with God, no matter how much positive energy we put out and no matter how much we focus on finding the good in others, this earthly life brings us into daily contact with the things of the flesh.
It was extremely difficult to stay focused ont he task of making a list of things to put in my gratitude jar and since in this aprt of the world we don't celebrate thanksgiving anyway, my thoughts quickly turned to despair. That laptop was the only tangible evidence that 'God supplies all of our needs" for me in recent months. Committting myself to a life of full-time ministry and writing has attracted opposition from every side and I don't have the resources to live by this decision. The Lord showed me that I have to trust Father completely at this time to provide all of my needs and when I received the laptop, it was like a sign from heaven helping me stay on course. Of all the things the thief could have taken this was the one thing that I really felt as a loss. This was one thing I had real difficulty detaching from and forgiving him/ her for. Writing is my life. It is not losing the laptob that dealt such a cruel blow; it is losing all the material stored on it. Luckily, the really important documents were copied on my flash-disk so i really shouldn't be all that upset. But when I phoned Beth and she counseled me about "the balloon of ego being popped", I realised what the lesson was really about.
The thorn in our flesh that the Lord does not remove is there to remind us to humble ourselves before God. It reminds us that His glory is made manifest in weakness, that we can never attain the heights of revelation knowledge without His grace and that He really is all we need to accomplish anything.
Thank you Beth.
This amazing woman of God has taught me so much and every lesson she imparts always has "Humility" as a core principle in it. If there is one fruit of the spirit I am so grateful for seeing in my life it is this humility that Beth models so perefctly. I'm still working on allowing the Holy Spirit to produce the other fruits and I have discovered that they are seasonal.
Once, when I was going through a dark valley and crying out to the Lord "Why is it so dark in this valley? (as though a valley could be anything but dark!), Randel took me by the shoulders and said: "we've just had a wonderful summer season. Now we're entering a winter season. It can't be summer all the time". I've always hated winter but I learned then to rejoice in suffering as the only way to get across that dark valley. By the time I got through that experience, all the joy I once drew from my relationship with Lord Jesus was used up. But by then, I had learned to invite the Holy Spirit to teach me patience.
The patience that I learned to pray for and that God in His grace gave me was staring to wear thin in the past couple of weeks. Everything has a sell-by date and the time I was given to walk in patience was drawing to a close. Now I have to tackle another of the frutis of the spirit. But on this Tree of Life that God has planted in my mind, Humility always bursts forth to see me through the next stage, the nest season or the nexy trial that awaits me. And it is always Beth who is there to remind to receive this fruit.
How did she ever learn to radiate all 9 fruits of the spirit? I wonder often. By coming through persecution, loss, heartache and fear and emerging victorious as she rose from the ashes of the fire that killed her husband Martin. Do we all have to go through those kinds of experiences to receive more of God's revealtion, grace and presence operating in our lives? I always ask myself. Yes. It is not an easy answer to hear but that is why God occasionaly pops the balloon of our inflated ego. He alone can lift us up out of the dust and painful experiences are what send us running to Him, ready to admit that there is no way we can do x,y,z that He has placed in our hearts without His power and love.
So although in this part of the world we don't celebrate Thanksgiving, I am giving God thanks today for teaching me humility-again.
I am also giving thanks for every teacher, mentor and friend who has accompanied me on this journey and helped me to grow in some way. I would not be where I am today without God's grace but I also would not be here without you.
There is a beautiful greeting that is used in some rural African regions instead of just hello: "If you are here, then I am here too".
There is nothing more precious than coming before the throne of grace and hearing the Lord say those same words. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for forgiving the person who stole my laptop and sending me running back to your throne, where Beth was waiting to remind me that I can't do anything without you but I can do anything with Your grace, laptop or no laptop.
You can read about Beth's story in a book by Cynthia Heald: "Maybe God is right." Beth and her husband Martin were missionaries in Afghanistan and were taken hostage by Al-Queda rebels for 9 months. during their ordeal, no amount of starvation, torture, beating or indoctrination could break Martin's spirit. every day he prayed for the salvation of his captors, praised the Lord for using him as an instrument of His peace and boldly proclaimed the sovereignty of Lord Jesus. Finally the rebels had enough and killed him. Beleiving that this would break Beth's spirit and she would renounce Jesus and do what they wanted her to do for them, they took her out to see Martin's lifeless body. She received a vision of Martin in heaven with the Lord, telling her :"Forgive them so that Father can forgive them". As she obeyed this commandment and reached out to her captors with God's love, they fell to their knees and repented. All 7 rebels received Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour that day. Even today, Beth reminds those whom she minsiters to that there was no way she would have ever come through these experiences without God's grace and the fear of terrorist groups has stayed with her as the thorn in her side. The ongoing fear she has lived with since was the only part of her story I didn't know about until today. I am sufficiently humbled for her openess in sharing this.
God Bless everyone who is celebrating Thanksgiving today.
